Parenting book realization

I read a lot of parenting books. A LOT. I think I have a tendency towards obsession with self-help type stuff, anyway, and reading parenting books fulfills that in (what I can generally pretend is) a healthy way.

I realized something the other day and that is this... parenting books written by people who have two children three or four or more years apart are a lot different than parenting books written by people who have four or more children two years or less apart. Seriously -- big difference. Furthermore, I realized that the more kids an author has, the less he or she has to say about what a parent can do and more she or he has something to say about what God can do. There's just so much resignation (in a good way) from those people. It's inspiring.

And even farther-furthermore, I realized that the two-kids people often share wisdom that is really inspired and some great insights, techniques, etc, BUT the people I'm going to be referencing are the people with the zillions of kids. Even though I only have three children, there's something about reading the thoughts of people who have been-there-done-that (...and more!) that is so very helpful. It's one of the many reasons I love Holly's blog, and Tonya's blog, and Ann's blog, and Amy's blog, and Molly's blog...among many others. There's a wide range of theology and practices out there, but when graciousness is present, it is inspirational...and motivational...to this mom of three. Thanks to those of you who share.

What a weekend!

This has been such a good weekend, that I feel like I should hit on a few highlights to remember.

-- I went to a Beth Moore Living Proof event this week, fully embracing the evangelical side of myself. Dang, was it good! She is such an energetic speaker and draws very cool connections. The subject of her talk was John the Baptist and it was fascinating. And it was illuminative when applied to my own life. I had heard her on the radio before, but had not seen her. She reminded me of several southern-woman friends. It was lovely. I had such an incredible experience, that I'm going to try to go back next year.

-- At the Beth Moore thing, I sat next to a woman from Chicago. She ended up being a homeschooling mother of 4 whose children have the same exact age range of mine. It was SO cool! She was my partner for a final commissioning thing that was very moving. We exchanged email address and facebook info and I think we will be spiritual friends.

-- I also got to hang out with some women from our new church and had a good time getting to know them better. It was just a lot of fun, though they were very worried about me driving down to the conference by myself, sitting by myself and rooming by myself. I explained that this sort of solitude really WAS a gift. Really. No, REALLY, chicas. Although it was just wonderful to get to know these very cool women, time alone was G-O-O-D!!

-- The weather was incredible this week. We've had so much rain this fall -- flooding and crops waterlogged in the field. This week has been so amazing -- sunny and in the high 50's, low 60's. Then this weekend it was in the mid-70's. This coming week is supposed to be beautiful, too.

-- We had a great church morning. We've been getting up early and going out to breakfast before going to church. I don't know if it's a wise thing to do that long-term, but it sure is a nice treat and a really special way to begin the morning. Lots of people were gone from church this morning, but we had a great conversation in Sunday School and the sermon was really, really good.

-- Today our yard was blitz-raked by a church youth group. We had 15 kids out there with rakes going crazy. They raked the yards of both elderly neighbors, too, and then moved on down the block, accepting no money -- just serving.

-- Since the youth group was such a help at this house, we went to our new house and raked. I tried tossing the kids into a leaf pile, but they did not appreciate the joy of such. Dennis thought my tenacity was rather remarkable since I refused to believe they were not having fun until they were both sobbing. Sometimes, I'm not the greatest mother ever. ;)

-- Tonight after dinner, we watched the end of a football game and Annalivia and Daniel did some swordfighting a la Narnia. Daniel, as King Peter, was hilariously relentless while Annalivia, as the White Witch or as Queen Susan, tried to pose her swords artistically. Emmeliese sat on the floor and bobbed up and down and watched and laughed at them encouragingly.

-- And now we're all going to bed VERY early! The house is messy, but sleep is a more important priority at this point. Hope your weekend was grand!

The morning report

It is 8 in the morning on this Thursday of the first week of Annalivia being out of Preschool. Mom has also been sick all week, so we've all been together all day, everyday. I realized this week how spoiled I've been; the older two kids have been at my mom's house basically four hours of four days of a week since Emmeliese was born. It's been a real gift. Since we decided to take Annalivia out of preschool, the plan is to have the kids go to my mom's one night a week (to play with cousins) and on Friday morning (to give me a break).

I wish I could say that everything just clicked right into place this week with all of us home, but...it hasn't. However, the difficulties strengthen my conviction even more that this all-four-of-us-together-all-the-time should be the default in our home. Now that we are in day 4, it feels better. We are kind of relaxing into the routine of being together, working around and with each other, playing together and by oneself and referee-ing a different energy level than usual. I had thought we'd just jump right in to preschool-at-home this week. Now I realize that we need a bit of time to adjust to each other and the new routine. But I like how being home feels today.

So, right now, Emmeliese is sitting in the middle of the floor, lunging forward to get things in the middle of the floor. Daniel has been running around in a helmet and shield with sword in hand fighting dragons. Annalivia cranked up the cd player so we're listening to English church music while she alternately draws pictures of princesses and tries to get "The Prince" to dance with her. He's not been very cooperative, so she's mainly drawing.

I'm drinking coffee -- a habit I reintroduced with the time change. I found a pound of whole bean coffee a friend had given me over two years ago. It's ... not terrible, surprisingly. Not the best ever, but free. And hot. We have yet to turn on our furnace and the space heaters are nearing the end of the effectiveness, I think.

We have lots on the docket to do today. Daddy took the van to get a bit of a tune-up, so we're forced to be either home or walking to a destination, both of which are good for us. The house is a complete mess and I'm going to a conference with new-church ladies tomorrow so Grandma is coming to visit. She is terribly disturbed by blankets being the wrong direction on a bed so to say, "There's a little work to do" would be vastly understating things.

I best get at it.

I'm having some issues...

...making things harder than they should be lately.

Some Halloween photos

For those who are interested, a couple photos of the kiddos dressed up at Gramps' house can be seen at this link. A report on the weekend coming later, I think.

A place to cook

Dennis and I spent some time discussing the house tonight. Basically, we've run out of money to spend hiring other people to work on it and we still have a whole heck of a lot that needs to be done before whenever it is that we'll move in (hopefully before summer heat next year). It's stuff like running electricity into the main floor, sanding floors, redoing walls, fixing plaster where we can, putting in some bathrooms (because right now there's only half a toilet in the house) and a kitchen, because, um...well, this family's gotta eat. It was a very energizing discussion.

Tonight's discussion was about the kitchen and we figured out some solutions to annoyances. The kitchen is small, but will still be the largest kitchen we've ever used. Because of our cash crunch, and because he's always wanted to do it, Dennis is going to build the cabinetry. Another advantage to him building the cabinets is that whatever he comes up with will actually fit the 10-foot ceilings. And because he's going to build the cabinetry, and because I've always wanted it, he's going to make it very primitive -- but not in the way that involves red paint and star and moon cutouts and prematurely rusted wires. :) (It may involve beadboard and prematurely worn corners. We'll see...)

The door to the dining room had been moved at one time in the house's past. It made sense to leave it, but that meant the other entry door to the room was not symmetrical. I've realized that symmetry is a big thing for me in buildings, rooms, etc. I like a sense of order into which I can bring my messiness, I guess. :)

My brilliant husband's brilliant solution involves moving both doors a bit (and moving a brand new duct which he assures me is not a big deal) to make the doors symmetrical and thereby make room for an entire wall of shelves which will be concealed behind beadboard doors. That means we don't necessarily need upper cabinets, but can instead use open shelves for the dishes and mixing bowls and such which, I think, will make the room look a lot bigger. But the coolest thing about the wall o' doors is that our door to the second back stairs will be concealed giving us a "hidden" staircase. That's just the sort of thing that makes Dennis and I grin.

Now -- the question is just this -- when is he/ when are we going to find time to do all of this?

Sweet things today

Daniel and Annalivia played together this morning really well. It was a very complicated game wherein Daniel was Annalivia's daddy. She'd cry out, "Daddy, Daddy!" and then run over to him as he sat in the rocking chair. He'd say, "Do you want me to rock-a-bye you?" and then she'd climb up in his lap and he would stroke her hair and say, "Shhh...it's ok..." Then he'd get tired of her sitting on his lap and shove her off the chair.

Later in the morning, I sent them outside to play. They had another elaborate game going involving their bikes/ trikes and several stuffed animals in the wagon. They went around to the far side of the house, however, and when I called them back, Annalivia explained that the reason they were over there was because they were discussing their child The Director. What director, I have no idea.

This afternoon, after naps, they were having a snack. I have no idea what they were talking about, but occasionally Daniel would say the word, "butt" and then they would both burst out into uncontrollable laughter. Then they'd get it together again and he'd say it again and they'd laugh hysterically. I pretended like I didn't hear for about 5 times and then came in and told them it we don't say, "butt" as per this post. I may be a hypocrite, but I have good reasons.

And lastly, tonight, after we got home, I worked on Annalivia's Halloween costume a little. I will elaborate more on its providential pieces later. I had to cut some stuff off of a long dress and Annalivia took the pieces and made a gaiter and scarf and headband out of them, told us she was on a "snow skateboard" and then ran around jumping off of things pretending to snowboard. At one point, she was talking about how she wants a snowboard, which she was still calling a "snow skateboard" and Dennis said something about he had a skateboard once. Her eyes grew really big and she looked at him like he was really cool and she said, "You did?" He replied affirmatively. Then she asked, "Is it still in your shed?" Those of you who know about the giant machine shed at his mom's house packed with everything he and his family members have ever owned will know it probably is. I just hope he doesn't have to go looking for it.

A different expectation

One of the prejudices I managed to nurture throughout my previous mainline church experience was the notion that evangelicals have a sub-standard intellectual tradition. I thought that most of them just didn't want to really think about faith. (I mean, why else would they believe in the pesky doctrine of the sovereignty of God?)

I was introduced to the error of my ways about three years ago when I encountered a faith community of women at the now-defunct Choosing Home. For the most part, these were stay-at-home mothers who were...how can I say this correctly... not in the least bit dumb. I don't want to use "intellectual giants" because probably none of them would accept such a description of themselves, but suffice to say, their knowledge of the Bible, theology (both theoretical and applied), and church history just amazed and astounded me. I was brought up short in front of a false picture of evangelicals I had painted and hung off to the side of my faith journey. What I had created was not real. It was a convenient portrayal so I could disregard the hard questions I would inevitably be asked.

Our family has been participating in an evangelical church (Evangelical Mennonite is the best description, or at least the most well-known) for the last five months. Today, our adult Sunday School class, which involved about 25 adults from the ages of 20-40, engaged in a spirited, intellectual discussion about Calvin. I was amazed that laypeople, and not just a few laypeople, but many of those in the room, not only knew who Calvin was, but knew more about theology and the differences in the theology than I did. Their comments revealed an intellectual curiousity about faith that indicated that this discussion was not their first introduction to theological debate. And this was no milquetoast discussion; it was passionate, and complex. There was never a convergence of opinion/ belief -- some of the theology introduced was pretty liberal, some pretty conservative -- but it was an incredibly respectful discussion. It was completely unlike any conversation I've had at church, ever. It was, frankly, exhilarating.

When Dennis and I processed it verbally after church together, we realized two things...

1.) This church expects a certain level of literacy from followers of Christ. The expectation is informal, but it is there. It begins with Biblical literacy, but extends to a basic knowledge of different theologies, Christian traditions and world religions. Dennis mentioned today that he has been incredibly impressed by the knowledge possessed by laypeople in the congregation. I hadn't really thought about it much, but when he mentioned it, I realized how extraordinary this level of knowledge is, particularly in the light of my second realization, which will probably get me into trouble...

2.) I have been confronted again and again with the fact that, in large part, the mainline church is failing its people when it comes to really connecting the mind with the process of faith. I'm not sure where it was that it became a joke that we don't read the Bible. It should be incite a great sense of shame, I think. What mainline illiteracy has produced is a laity that is dependent on ministers to not only illuminate, but also introduce basic Biblical concepts. This allows for only a very narrow thread of theology to be discussed and considered amongst the people. Because hardly anyone, including pastors, are secure in Biblical knowledge, there is almost no ability to produce an intellectual discussion, let alone a classical argument/counter-argument. Debate doesn't exist. And when it does, it generally isn't very respectful. Bottom line -- the conversation I experienced this morning simply couldn't have taken place in the churches of which I've been a part or with which I'm familiar. And that's primarily because of a basic lack of necessary education.

So, I've realized again how ridiculous my former prejudice is. It turns out that picture I painted of someone who did little to move beyond preformed suppositions and did less to challenge one's faith intellectually, was the mainline me. The sub-standard Christian intellectual tradition was mine.

I was schooled again today. At church. It was a wonderful thing.

Saturday update

It's a beautiful COLD day here in central Illinois. Dennis is out mowing the leaves around the house towards the street, Annalivia is "reading" to Daniel, and Emmeliese is bouncing up and down in her exersaucer, which she loves again now that we moved the legs up a notch so she can get some good bouncing action going. I'm trying to figure out how to save money on groceries. Right now all I've come up with is making a list of meals we like and the ingredients therein and trying to buy a lot of those when they are on sale. That's probably Basic Home Ec 101, isn't it?

We had pepperoni pizza for breakfast this morning. I had made the crust and two loaves of bread yesterday, but our oven smelled terrible when we turned it on. Dennis took it all apart and I put the dough in the freezer and we went out to eat. After tearing it apart and finding nothing but little mouse droppings, we think a mouse may have peed on the insulation around the oven. This morning, we suffered through the smell until I found that lavender/ vanilla Febreeze got rid of it, if sprayed every 10 minutes or so. The kids really wanted pizza and I hadn't been out to the store to get any proper breakfast materials, so we indulged in pizza while the bread baked. But the bread never rose properly from the freezer. I have two rather flat loaves. Still good, especially for meatloaf sandwiches, which is their immediate need, but not quite what I was anticipating.

Our new church is having an open house this afternoon to celebrate the new building, so we are going to head over there sometime after lunch. Dennis' brother is coming into town for the funeral of a beloved coach at the high school and college, so we'll get to see him, if briefly. And inspired by Ann, I think we may take a bit of a walk to soak up some sunshine, which has been in short supply here.

Emmeliese has been teething a lot lately. She has 6 teeth in and the seventh is taking it's sweet time, right below the surface of her gums for about 2 weeks now. She is miserable at night, and, consequently, so is Momma. She also isn't sleeping in big stretches during the day -- just little naps of less than an hour. It's such a vicious circle -- the sleeping less during the night leads to sleeping less during the day which leads to less sleep at night. She has also developed a howl of righteous indignation when something is taken away from her to rival anything her siblings have produced, which is really saying something. You'd think her hand was cut off. Poor, persecuted child has a mother who won't let her chew on paper... It's terrible. :)

Tomorrow, the church is having a dedication Sunday with a potluck afterwards. I'm singing in an ensemble, so I need to take something that can sit for a while or be refrigerated. I was going to take scallopped potatoes in the crockpot, but I let my little sister borrow it to take out of town, so I have to come up with something else. I'm thinking about making pea salad, because I have a whole lotta peas in the freezer, but I should bring something else. Flattened bread?

Well, the kids are trying to "help" by doing dishes without me. This usually involves an argument, followed shortly by a mess, so this is the end of this update! Hope your fall is beautiful!

The artist

One of my favorite pictures by our 4 1/2 year old artist. The picture on the other side of the paper sort of shows through, too, but this one here is of a ballerina dancing. I love the motion in the hair, the 3/4 view of the face with proper orientation of facial features including earrings on the ear, and the pointy feet and ballet shoes...I may be biased, but she's good, isn't she? :)

The sweet squirrel

Tonight, I checked on Dan-o after he was asleep and removed about half of the stuff in with him. I always like to see what he considers important enough to take to bed with him. Tonight's haul included a picture of a semi truck. Drawn for him by Annalivia. Oh, how it warmed this momma's heart. :)

Our little biggie

Yesterday, I took Emmeliese to the doctor. For reasons I'll not detail here, but have mainly to do with insurance changes and errant parenting, she has missed her 4 and 6 month checkups. I knew we had a big girl, but I was surprised when she weighed in at 20.5 lbs yesterday! She had a pretty full diaper, but still...what a big girl! This explains why she fit so well into that 18 month romper yesterday!

Annalivia's growth was completely different -- a 50% percentile baby all the way. Hence, her clothes that fit Emmeliese right now are things like sunsuits and capris. Emmeliese is also taller than Annalivia was, though not by much. So -- it's time to go shopping. Again. I wonder how long she'll wear whatever we find today?

An uncomfortable comparison

Have you ever had someone liken themselves to you and you think, "O dear God, please, don't let that actually be true..."?

This happened to me rather publicly with an individual at one point in my life and I had that reaction. And that person is on the far periphery of my life again and I think about it everytime I encounter them, which, thankfully, is not very often.

Before, I sort of brushed off the comparison, but lately I've been thinking about it a lot. I have always admired certain things about this person, but also realized that the relationship with them was sort of toxic for me. But lately, I've been realizing that, in some fundamental ways, we are a lot alike. And not in the good ways.

It's been a bit of a wake-up call. And then I realized, opening oneself to self-criticism can be a good thing. If a bit uncomfortable.

A glimpse of things to come

So I've hesitated to say it here, "out loud" as it were, but Dennis and I are pretty sure that we are going to be homeschooling our kids. We've not started anything formal, but Annalivia has a little math workbook that she likes to do. It has counting and numbers and she gets to draw things. She always wants to "do math homework" so I let her.

Today, I was sitting at the table helping her and trying to pay bills online with Emmeliese on my lap while Daniel was sitting on the potty hollering about his progress there. Emmeliese was grabbing the computer and fussing, Annalivia was asking questions and Daniel was yelling to be wiped as the microwave alarm reminded me that lunch needed to be removed.

I wish I could link to my blog-friend Tonya's private blog where she took time to write out a journal of her day as a homeschooling mother of six. It was hilarious and totally delightful. I'm actually looking forward to this sort of chaos. :)

Bringing down the volume

If there is one thing I say every day more times than I can count, it's this -- "BRING DOWN THE VOULME!" Sometimes I say it nicely, with a "please" tacked on to it. But most time, it's just the latest add-on to the ever-present din around here.
I only have three children, but I swear they make the noise of 30. Every thing they do is Loud.
They run Loud. They walk Loud. They sing Loud. They yell Loud. They laugh Loud. They cry Loud. Loud, Loud, LOUD!
Luckily, most of the time, Loud does not bug me much. It's when I ask Annalivia to go ask her brother who is upstairs if he wants a muffin and she stands 6 inches from me and hollers, "DANIEL! DO YOU WANT A MUFFIN?" that I get annoyed. Or when I say, "No, Annalivia, please go ask him if he wants a muffin" and she moves approximately 2 feet and yells, "DANIEL!! I SAID, 'DO YOU WANT A MUFFIN?!?'"
This house does not help. This rental is huge, has wood floors and high ceilings and the house we are redoing is huger, has wood floors, and higher ceilings. I've realized that we need to figure out the volume thing, and pronto. I've started not talking to the kids until they are in front of me. When I was in the hospital with Emmeliese, I got to see that show about the Duggars and saw that they have an intercom system in their house. When we bought the new house and started redoing it, I told Dennis that was going to be a necessary expense. We simply MUST figure out how to bring the volume down. Any ideas from you experienced moms out there?

September remember -- ready for something

Daniel in the driveway yesterday drinking his juice box (a rare treat for us) and wearing his backpack. He likes to fill his backpack with various odd items -- the shape sorter box, a wood hammer, several Thomas trains and his baby doll before he goes to Grandma's. Then he leaves it in the van.

On internet access...or not

Recently, we ported our home phone number over to our cell phone company because it saves a bit of money. Consequently, our fomer phone provider automatically cancelled our internet service. We could have it reinstated, of course, or we could find another provider, but it's been so nice to not have the internet that we may just keep it unplugged.

Right now I am at our local coffeeshop enjoying my Mother's Sabbath. They have free wi-fi, as does the library. As do my parents, for that matter. I'm thinking that if I check in at least once a day, I should be able to keep on top of whatever I have to do with email and banking. And next year, I'm going to get out of whatever I have to do with email so that it's no longer necessary and I can just check in once a week or so.

It's nice to be unplugged at home. I forget how much mental energy the internet can suck from me if I let it. It's nice to be free.

September remember -- Emmeliese's toothy grin

Her teeth really did come in like this. She also has her bottom center teeth. I'm so glad I got a picture of our little Dracula because the top middle tooth broke through today.

September remember photos -- Daniel's chunky sweater

I've been crocheting after missing an entire summer of not doing any crochet at all. My first project was a chunky turtleneck sweater for Daniel. He wants to wear it all the time including today when it was 83 degrees out. (And no, I don't have a pattern. I just make it up as I go and I never write stuff down. Sorry.)
Sweet story -- when I snapped this, he wasn't doing any natural smiling (i.e. he was either staring into the camera or saying "CHEEEEEESE!!"). I asked him what his favorite thing is. He looked up and smiled and said, "Obeying..." *click* :)

September remember photos

We've been going over to the College to the labyrinth about once a week. I walk the path with Emmeliese and contemplate.

I wish I could write that my kids are equally reverent. They aren't; they race around. Or they roll around in the grass, looking a whole lot like a certain great-grandfather I know.

The light is amazing there sometimes. I love September light.

When at home, my poor deprived child has to take safety in her own hands and create her own bicycle helmet... :)

September remember -- more

The cuteness has continued in large helpings here, but I haven't had time to write things down. I wish I had, though, because I miss things that I know I wanted to remember, but I just don't have the mental capacity anymore. Alas.

Anyway...two sweet things and then some photos...


Annalivia has taken to asking us questions and then prompting the answer in a stage whisper. The first time it happened, she asked me, "How did Jesus maked our food?" I had no idea what she was getting at and told her I didn't understand the question. "He SPOKE, Mommy!" she said in a loud whisper. Turns out, she was talking about Creation. Now I'm constantly quizzed on all matter of subjects but I never have to worry about supplying the answer because she always has one at the ready.
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I dropped Annalivia off at my mother's house after preschool the other day for lunch with Daniel and her cousin, Lirah. Daniel was standing at the window and Annalivia shot out of the car screaming, "Hi, Daniel! I'm coming, buddy!"

September remember #13

I wish I could get a pic of Emmeliese's vampire grin. She has four teeth -- two in the center bottom and her two top incisors. The effect is precious. Our little "Fangs..."
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We had to go to a visitation up north today, so we had the older two kids stay with my Mom. As we were explaining we were going to a funeral home, Annalivia said, "So... who died today?" As though someone we know dies everyday and it's all old news. I'm going to chalk this up to the fact that we live across from a funeral home and there are always people coming and going from visitations. I hope that's it.
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Sunday school today was in the new addition at church. Daniel and Annalivia were also in separate clases for the first time. We've been trying to sell Daniel on being in his "very own classroom!!!" for weeks. It worked well for Sunday School. He went right into the room and started helping the teacher. At Children's Church, he was less enthusiastic, until the teacher pointed out that they had Goldfish snacks. Then he was all about going to his room without Annalivia. (Her room had cupcakes, but we didn't find it necessary to point that out.)
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On the way back from the visitation, we were winding down a country road and Dennis spotted a rear-mounted mower on the back of a little tractor about a quarter mile ahead of us. He said, "That's a Woods RM660. You can check if I'm right as I pass it." Then he talked about its 3 spindles and something or other drive shaft and something or other deck. It WAS a Woods RM660. Of course. He's so cute, especially when he knows what he's talking about.

September remember #12

It seemed like a long day today. Dennis and I were both tired. Daniel and Annalivia foresook their naps, and bickered a lot, and Emmeliese was punky. When the big kids went to bed, they both went reluctantly while I was trying to get Emmeliese to sleep. Then they heard me laugh. Mayhem ensued. In their exhaustion, they somehow reasoned that while it was ok if Mommy was absent from bedtime routines due to rocking Emmeliese; if Mommy was absent and enjoying herself, well...that was quite another story. :)

Anyway, they were both calling for me and Annalivia was working herself up into quite a fit when Daniel began to cry, too. His volume began to approach her level (which is saying something) when I heard her yell with frustration, "Daniel! QUIT. YOUR. FUSSIN'!"

Apparently, there's only room for one dramatist at bedtime in our house and Annalivia staked out that territory long ago...

September remember #11

The barges on the Illinois River were flying flags at half-mast today and our streets in Eureka were lined with flags, courtesy of the Boy Scouts. It reminded me of those days immediately following Sept. 11, 2001. Remember how the flag looked completely new somehow?

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Annalivia has taken to asking, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Mom?" or saying, "I think I'm thinking what you're thinking, Mommy." I don't think we've ever been thinking the same thing yet since she's usually thinking about flowers, princesses and/ or kittens.

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The other day, we had pudding cups as a treat. (We had these because our grocery shopping ended right around lunch time and we were all tired and cranky.) I overheard Annalivia tell Daniel that in just a second, they could have their "frosting cups". Ick.

September remember #10

Emmeliese turned over last night. Finally. In honor of the occasion, she got her first little teeny tiny bites of food today -- mashed banana on her 6-month birthday.
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Daniel had a dirty diaper right before naps today (around 2). He said, "Don't worry. Daddy can change it!" Yeah, um... Daddy doesn't get home until 5, buddy. That's not going to work too well.

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I don't think I've ever mentioned here about Annalivia's prolific drawing. The kid draws CONSTANTLY on everything and if we dare leave a pad of paper out, by the end of the day, it's mostly full of drawings. Her drawings are almost always of girls, usually with long hair, dresses and high-heeled shoes on. I should scan some in sometime. They're amazing, if I do say so myself.
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For a while now, when Daniel says "whoopsie-daisy", he says, "Upsie-doozy!" Today, he was singing about the upsie-doozy spider going up the hose and the water coming out. :) He'll learn the real version soon enough.

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I keep this list going through the day and keep forgetting to publish these at night. So, here is a backlog of September-remembers, all published this evening. Goodnight!

September remember #9

Every morning, the big kids come into my room and when Emmeliese wakes up, they want to "come see her". This means they want me to put her in the middle of the bed and let them kiss her and talk to her. If I don't put her in the middle of the bed, with plenty of room on either side, there is a constant accusation that the other one is "getting to look at Emmeliese more than me!"
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Annalivia started Kids' Club tonight. It's a children's ministry program at the church we've been attending. She also started preschool at a different school than she attended last year because she gets to go in the morning. Since the preschool is part of a nursing home facility, the children visited the residents today. Annalivia was excited to tell me that she had been in the place where Grammy Adaline was before she died. Then we had a long conversation about dying and Jesus. The way her little spirit is so open and receptive right now is so amazing to me. I think I'm learning as much as she is.

September remember #8

Today is my nephew's birthday. I remembered this when I woke up because Annalivia told me. I think that's kind of cool that she is at an age where she can remember important things.

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Emmeliese is at that delightful age where, if conditions are precisely perfect, she can stand in an exersaucer and play for about 20 minutes. It's wonderful.

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Daniel's affection for Emmeliese has not lessened at all since she was born. Often he will come up to her, give her a kiss and say, "Ohhhh, she's cute!" or "She's so pretty!" Sweet boy.

September remember #7

Last night we went for a drive and I was talking to Dennis while Annalivia was trying to talk to me. She was tired of being patient and said, "Mommy, you talk to Daddy A LOT!"


"I do talk to Daddy a lot," I said. "I don't get to talk to him very much and I get to talk to you two all the time. And he's my husband and I love to talk to him and..."


Annalivia cut me off with "He's your prince!"



It's true. :)

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My prince and I realized that he didn't have to work today, so we threw caution to the wind and watched a movie at 10:30 last night. It was practically a date!



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Annalivia has been singing "I-lee, I-lee, I-lee" lately. Finally I heard her sing, "That's for me" and it occurred to me that she was singing "The B-I-B-L-E, yes, that's the book for me..."

September remember #6

On our way to church this morning, Annalivia told me that if I kept driving on a certain road, I'd probably find her friend Charlotte's house. We'd know it was her house because it probably had a horse mailbox. Because Charlotte really likes horses.

This reminded me that Annalivia is convinced that Kylie, a girl who went to preschool with her last year, lives down the street from our new house. Why? A black cat lives there. And Kylie really loves cats.

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When we got back from church, I went to put my shoes in the closet and found that Daniel (who stayed home from church) had piled about 40 books in there along with a bunch of clothes, toys, etc. I found out that was about 1/3 of what was originally in there. Dennis made him move most of it before we got home. I swear that kid is part squirrel.

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Tonight Annalivia hid under a big towel after her bath well enough that her daddy couldn't find her. He wandered around calling her name until he heard giggling coming from the towel. He did the whole, "Where's Annalivia?" thing.

"It's just a talking towel!" she said. Then she showed herself with lots of laughing.

Then she told Daddy that she was going to do the same thing tomorrow night. "So it will be a surprise, eh?" he asked.

"Yeah!" she replied.

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I came out to the music coordinators at the church we've been attending and told them I was a vocal performance major in the context of a larger conversation about singing with them. Since I went to college with the pastor and sang with him, I knew it would come out one way or another.

The reason I don't share this fact much is not because I don't like to sing, but because I don't like the way people apologize for their own musical abilities around me, even though it's not like I'm the world's greatest singer or anything. I think it's sort of like the way I feel around theory people. I can't count, really, but I can count enough to sing and participate in music groups most of the time. But put me with someone who really can count, or worse, sightread perfectly, or even well, and I feel like nervous-vomiting. Most people really can sing, but feel like they can't and then someone shows up who can and they feel all awkward. I don't like that. Especially in church. So if you're one of those people -- just sing -- sing proud. If the music performance majors are judging you, they aren't singing for the right reason anyway.

September remember #5

Daniel has a fever and cough today. He is fussy, punky, naughty...and also...super-sweet. I read him Thomas stories at noon after he climbed into bed of his own accord. At 3 he wanted to lie down with me, so we laid down on the couch and he fell asleep again. Poor little guy.

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Annalivia was being an incredibly patient and kind big sister today. Nothing she did was the right thing for Daniel, but instead of getting frustrated she just did other things. We let her watch a movie upstairs as a bit of a treat and after his nap, Daniel went up, took out her dvd which was mid-story, and put in one of his own. That almost did her in. Long-suffering for much more than 8 hours is tough when you're 4.

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At the EtCetera Shoppe today, I found several of my favorite books from childhood, including Sleeping Beauty as illustrated by Sheilah Beckett. It was part of "The Best Book Club Ever", a book service from Random House that my maternal grandmother received. Finding these books reminded me of another favorite Snow White and Rose Red also produced by the book club. I found it for $2 on ebay and discovered that it is also illustrated Sheilah Beckett. Then I found out that a lot of the books I loved as a girl were illustrated by her. Very cool.

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We had a guy come to the house today to give us a quote on drywalling everything. My aunt, the former architect happened (happened?) to call afterwards and when I mentioned this, she pointed out the increased noise that is transmitted in houses with drywall vs. houses with plaster. She also pointed out that, save for the parsonage, I've lived in houses with plaster walls my whole life. I am grateful for her insight. In a big ol' house with wood floors and high ceilings full of already-noisy kids, adding what would basically function as drumskins to the walls may not be the way to go. We're getting a quote from a plasterer on Monday.

September remember #4

Today Annalivia had preschool orientation. She is going to a different preschool this year and though we will really miss her favorite teacher from the nursery school, she'll be in a morning class. And that's really good for her.
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Last night after we were in bed, Dennis told me very excitedly and enthusiastically about a machine that has a 550 horsepower engine that Case IH makes at the location where he works . I faked enthusiasm and he said, "You really have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" I don't. I feel sorry for him that he married a wife who has NO CLUE about his interests. Sorry, honey. Hopefully the cooking makes up for it.

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We went on a little drive tonight and found an AMAZING homemade ice cream store in a little town near us where the church we've been attending is located. I got an ice cream cone for Dennis with Moose Tracks flavor. It was THE BEST ice cream I've ever, ever had. SOOOOOO delicious and uber-cheap. Wow.
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Tonight is the full Corn or Fruit Moon. It was beautiful as it rose. And no, it's not the Harvest Moon because the full moon closest to the fall equinox is the Harvest Moon. That's Oct. 4 this year.

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I love fall. The way the light becomes all golden and the shadows lengthen and the mist just seems to hang in the cornfields and the kids in football jerseys marking a home-game seem to get younger and younger... it is a delightful part of life.

September remember #3

Last night, Daniel had about 25 books in bed with him. He had fallen asleep on top of a vintage Thomas book and a James Herriot compilation. I wonder if he dreams with an English accent?

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We've been working on practicing cheerfulness instead of fussing and whining. I picked the kids up from my mom's today and Daniel got in the van, sat down and said, "I have a happy heart, Mommy!"

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Annalivia and Daniel were playing with the couch cushions tonight. They were building mountains out of them and then rolling down them or jumping off the couch onto them. Then they were pretending to hide from imaginary predators behind them. At one point Annalivia said, "Oh no! Here comes a mean parent!"

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The fridge is not cooling. I noticed that the milk wasn't really cool yesterday, but I think it was on the way to lukewarmness when I encountered it. We only realized there was a big problem after Emmeliese got sick on formula that had soured. We were up at 4 a.m. Dennis cleaned out the fridge at 5:30. Emmeliese had an icky day -- fussy and not sleeping well or regularly. Tonight Dennis thinks he fixed the fridge. Here's hoping!

September remember #2

Today was garbage day. The kids love to bring the garbage cans up from the curb because they have wheels on them. Daniel was so happy, bringing up that big garbage can that's bigger than he is! Annalivia brought her can and both lids, then took time to take each lid out of her can and then bang them into place on top of their respective cans.
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Annalivia after closing Dennis' laptop: "Mommy, I shut Daddy's computer so it wouldn't dry out."

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And Annalivia after I told her to look at a flock of geese flying into the sunset, "Do the geese LIVE in the sunset?"

September remember #1

Today, Annalivia had to go to the bathroom while we were out and about. We found a spot in the country where she could do her business. Daniel is a little monkey-do and said he had to go pee-pee, too. I reminded him that he was wearing a diaper, then got Annalivia out of the van. I was helping her, giving instructions on the finer points of going to the bathroom outside, and heard Daniel getting out of his seat in the van. I didn't pay much attention. But when Annalivia and I turned around to get back in the van, I found a little boy, shoes off, completely naked from the waist down (wearing an American flag sweater and a lobster shirt from the waist up.) He didn't understand why Mommy was laughing so hard. :)

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Also, my new computer came today. I opened it up as the kids were headed up for baths with Daddy. Annalivia saw it and said, "Awwww, you got a new computer! Can I have your old one?"

September remember

Awhile ago, I read or heard of a woman who wrote down little things that happened every day on her calendar at home. It wasn't much -- just little sentences, but they were things that she wanted to remember.
It seemed like a good idea to me, but our calendar is a cheap desk calendar with pages that rip off. It's nothing I want to keep. So I thought I'd write things down here this month and see if it's a discipline I want to continue into private life.

I still have a lot to say...

...just not much time in which to say it. I'm trying not to be on the computer when the kids are up and about. I've instituted a two-hour mandatory after-lunch rest period, which should leave some time available, but I find I want to do other things during these moments of break in the day. Like dishes or laundry, for example. :)

However, for posterity's sake and anyone interested, an update, in brief...

• Emmeliese is teething right now. She had her bottom two front teeth break through last week and the week before and an incisor broke through this weekend.
• For some reason, she's been sleeping ok, though. We drug her up with ibuprofen at night and, for the last few nights, she's been sleeping straight through. I love that.
• Annalivia is getting ready to go to 4-year old preschool in a couple of weeks. She was moved to an afternoon class this year and I'm feeling a little uneasy about it. We'll see how it goes.
• Daniel is coming into his late-2-year-old behavior stage and we're experiencing everything -- positive and negative-- that this stage of growth entails. There are so many things to love. And so many challenges, too...
• So, along with that, we are working on discipline at our house right now. The older kids have had too many episodes of being whiny, fussy, complaining, angry, etc. I have great hopes that things will turn around soon.
• Dennis started his new job on Monday. It sounds like it will be a real challenge (in the positive sense of the word). I think he's really looking forward to mastering new skills and learning more about this company that he's always admired.
• While Dennis was off work, he did a lot of good work on the house (it has a roof and a foundation now and is getting heating and cooling this week!) We also found a good guy who is doing tons of work for us while he is laid off from work. It is so incredibly helpful.
• We're having amazing weather lately. Highs in the 70's or low 80's. Cool nights. We had the coolest July on record, apparently. It's been a gorgeous summer.
• I got out my crochet hook this weekend for the first time since March. I need to work on those Christmas stockings I started last year. I'm confident I can figure them out without much problem. And now with the mandatory rest period, I think I'll have time to work on them! :)
• It feels like our church journey is being so richly woven into life right now. So many areas of life are interconnecting, interrelating...integrating, I suspect. It's just lovely -- and exciting -- to experience.

More later. I want to crochet a few rows before rest time is over!

Jam Cake

Did you know that one can make cake in the microwave? I didn't until my mother showed me how. It is incredibly quick, does not deplete air conditioning in the summer, and is not rubbery or icky at all! I especially like that I can make it for a special treat, mix it up in a few minutes and have it done and ready to eat about 6 minutes after that!

I thought there might be some other poor souls out there yearning for a quick cake recipe, so here's a little show-and-tell.

First, get a box of this stuff. Or something like it. If you get it on sale, it's especially fun to make into cake. You can also use a homemade mix if you are an overachiever or if you shudder at the thought of whatever is in boxed mixes. (Who ARE you anyway?)

You'll also need a microwaveable tart pan like the one in the cake picture above. I see these things in thrift stores all the time or in antique stores. They're pretty cheap. Get one out, make sure it is nice and dry and then spray it with a little cooking spray, or oil it, or butter it. No need to flour it, unless you really want to do things right.

You'll be making half a recipe of cake. My mother divides the mix in half by eyeball-ing it. I use a scale after my engineer-for-a-husband pointed out that I could get equal layers by weighing it, which is especially useful when making a layer cake (yeah, you can make your microwaved cake into a layer cake by putting parchment paper in the bottom and making the layers one at a time.)

Divide the other ingredients in half, too. Except the eggs. Use 2 eggs and make it a little egg-y.

So, for one layer, use 1/2 a package of mix-- any flavor, 1/6 cup (2T 2t) of oil (or melted butter), 1/2 cup milk (or water) and 2 eggs. Mix it all up and pour in the dish.

Microwave at 60% power until the cake puffs up and little air bubbles appear on its surface AND a tester comes out clean. In my mom's microwave, this takes about 7 minutes. In mine, it takes about 5:30. Just check it and err on the side of slightly overdone.

When you take it out, let it cool. Or don't. I frost it while warm to make the frosting thin. Or I use jelly, like I did this one for the kiddos. I love this jelly. It's good, good stuff that I can only find at an Amish grocery store about five miles south of my mother-in-laws house.

Spread the jelly in a thin layer and cut into pieces. Serve to hungry kiddos who will only stop playing long enough to gobble it up.

Do have some napkins standing by... :)

Photo by Annalivia

Annalivia likes taking pictures with my camera. Usually I find a bunch of semi-blurry photos of the hubcaps on the van or pages of a book or dolls on it once I go to download. I thought this was pretty good. I don't think Emmeliese is quite convinced.

A really good Sabbath resource

After writing that post on the Sabbath, I remembered that I had bought a little booklet available from Doorposts titled A Day of Delight: Making Sunday The Best Day of the Week. It has TONS of great ideas and many, many resources in the back. I especially appreciate the very non-stressful approach the author promotes.

In an unsolicited commercial, I'd like to put a plug in for Doorposts. I bought a few other resources from Doorposts when Annalivia was very little. I put them away and forgot about them, but I've gotten them out and I think there's some great stuff there! I'm so excited that I found them again!

If anyone has other Sabbath resources, I'd love to hear about them!

A sleeping baby

I hesitate to post this, lest I somehow curse it, but I feel I should state my thankfulness that Emmeliese is a very good sleeper, unlike my first two children. Right now, it's 7:02 a.m. and she's still asleep. She went to bed at 9:30-ish last night. That's a lot of sleep! (And if Momma had gone to bed at 9:30-ish, Momma would have had a lot of sleep, too. Hmmm...)

Since she's been teething, she's had a tougher time with sleeping, but, for the most part, she is a very, very good sleeper. I often wonder if Emmeliese sleeps so well simply because she's a different baby, but I have a hunch that it is largely because we're different parents. I am still uptight about a whole bunch of things nowadays. Whether or not she's eaten for the 9 hours she's been asleep is not one of them.

Calling and family

Over and over again throughout the last few years, I've found myself buying into the idea present in our culture and perpetuated most everywhere that raising children is an interruption in a woman's life purpose. The interruption is to be endured until it can be managed more conveniently, generally through sending a child to school, at which time the woman can get back to or get on with doing whatever it was that gave life meaning and purpose pre-children.

I am finding that over and over again I'm having to remind myself, and friends are having to remind me (thank you, dear Melissa), that calling for me will not arrive apart from a calling for the whole family. Even if the calling is good and honorable and even holy in and of itself, if it is not good and honorable and holy for our family, it's not for me. Even if activities or circumstances or resources or situations would carry blessing for some, if these things wouldn't carry blessing for us, I should not do them.

What I really grapple with is why this is such a difficult thing for me to wrap my head around. Why is "it" always about me, me, me?

Why we don't say "butt"

Today Daniel got his hair cut. It hadn't been cut since Easter; I thought it was time.

We found a nice barbershop with a nice barber a very nice distance from us. Daniel is naturally cute, but he's even cuter in the barbershop because he sits still, mostly, and talks fairly clearly. The barber was sort of enchanted with him and was playfully asking him if I call him Pumpkin (I don't) or Cookie (I don't) or Sweetie Pie (I do and he answered affirmatively with a big smile).

Then the barber asked, "Does your momma call you Stinky Butt?"

Daniel stopped smiling and looked at me with big eyes.

The barber didn't notice and continued very playfully asking him, "Does your momma ever say, 'Come here, you little Stinky Butt!'?"

Daniel looked very serious and shook his head and said, "No. We don't say 'butt'."

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He's right. We don't say butt. We also don't refer to any bodily functions or body parts by their more exciting nicknames.

I realize that we might be almost totally alone in the world in this regard, but there's two very good reasons why...

First, when you are raised to refer to "parts and functions" by their proper names or not at all, you get to experience the thrill of getting to use the nicknames when you and your sisters are far out of the earshot of your mother or at your friends' houses when their mothers are out of earshot.

Second, there is nothing and I mean absolutely NOTHING that compares with the singular joy of hearing a good poo joke or bodily function humor a la Black Adder, or even Shakespeare, for that matter, when you've been raised to believe it's a little naughty. It's just absolutely delicious.

That's why we don't say "butt".

Employed!

Dennis got a job offer today from Case New Holland in Goodfield! That's just 7 miles from our house, for those who are not familiar with the terrain in central IL.

We are so thankful. So, so, so, very, VERY thankful! He will start work on Aug. 24 -- one month to the date -- that he was laid off. He'll be doing product development, which is his passion, and his salary and benefits are very similar to his previous position. Except that he gets an extra week in holidays and may get an extra week of vacation. Wow.

We have been all teary and weeping since we heard. God is just so, so, so good to us. My mind cannot really conceive of it all...

Five months

Today, she's five months old. A little tooth is breaking through her gums and she has been sleepless and sort of grumpy this week. But, oh, she is beautiful and delightful and charming, laughing at her sister and brother, smiling and talking, playing in the exersaucer. Such a joy!

Sabbath, Queen of the week

Awhile ago, I read an article or post or something or other about how conservative and orthodox Jews sometimes refer to the Sabbath as "Queen of the Week." Many Jews try to arrange their lives to point towards the Sabbath. The Sabbath is not just the last day of the week; it is the week's crowning glory, the pinacle towards which the week is headed. As the Sabbath approaches, everything is arranged to create an atmosphere of worship and rest for the family.

I thought it sounded like a very cool concept. Then the need for a Sabbath re-focus in our family hit us about mid-summer. We had a child meltdown at a church we were visiting and ended up leaving the service early. In analyzing the situation, we realized that the week before it had been completely crazy. The Saturday day preceding the meltdown had been crazy, the night before had been awful. Even Sunday morning was ridiculous. As we drove away from church that morning, we resolved to start thinking differently about our Sundays.

So, we've been trying to arrange our lives so that Sunday is the high point of the week. We're convinced that God created the Sabbath for a very good reason. Plus, we yearn for rest, for time for the family to be together, for special moments. Sabbath is just necessary.

So far, we are doing better at the practical things. We're trying to make sure that clothes are chosen, ironed and accessorized (i.e. shoes are found) before we go to bed. We pack the church bag with Bibles and diapers. And we try to make sure that breakfast is made (I've been making overnight rolls), lunch is on board and dinner is planned on Saturday evening. I've also been making a really conscious effort to discipline my thinking on Sunday morning. For some reason, I can be really grumpy and it just poisons everyone's morning. I've noticed Annalivia has a similar tendency, so we've been talking about being an influence for good. It's helped.

But if feels as though we have a long way to go in terms of how we think about Sabbath. How do we worship more fully? How do we see the day as unique in its blessing? And practically -- how do we rest? How do we capture special moments? What can we do to communicate to our children that the Sabbath really is a precious gift?

Any thoughts -- practical or cerebral/ spiritual? Anyone feel as though you do well with this in your family? I'd love to read about it!

Recipe: Multi-grain bread

I've finally found a multi-grain bread recipe that works consistently. (The original recipe is here.) I think it's as good as the kind from Panera and costs much less. It's not a dense, chewy bread (i.e. the kind I would much rather have for toast, with soups, etc.) It makes nice, light loaves that are good for sandwiches and are easy to substitute for less healthy bread, since everyone in the family likes it, too.

Multigrain Bread

3 cups warm water
1 tablespoon yeast
1 1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
3-5 cups white whole wheat flour
2 cups assorted whole grain flours (i.e. millet, kamut, oat flour, rolled oats, wheat germ, corn, etc)
5 tablespoons vital wheat gluten

Mix yeast with water, salt and sugar and let bloom. After the yeast is bubbly, break the yolk on the egg and add it. Then add 3 cups white whole wheat flour. (I use King Arthur brand, but have had good luck with Montana Wheat Prairie Gold). Then add whatever grains you have on hand, pouring them into one-cup measures so that you have approximately two cups of grains. Add wheat gluten. Begin mixing, adding more flour, until dough sticks together well. Knead until dough bounces back when you poke it with your finger. Cover and allow to rise until double, then punch down. Form into two loaves (can be braided), or rolls, or breadsticks or whatever. Cover and allow to rise until doubled again. Then bake at 350 for about 40 minutes or until crust is lovely and brown and bread sounds hollow when tapped. Turn out of pan and cool as long as you can stand it.

Some notes:

• I make this in my Kitchen Aid mixer. It takes about 5 minutes of mixing. I have no idea how long one would have to knead it.
• Depending on the humidity, I sometimes have to add a lot more flour than I expect.
• If you want a nice, soft crust on the bread, use a butter wrapper on the top after you take it out of the pan.
• This has no preservatives, so be sure to freeze or refrigerate if you are not planning to use it in a day or two.

Expanding a music library?

If you sign up at emusic.com right now, you can get a two-week trial with 50 downloads for free.

I have not been impressed with their selection of other music, but they have a GREAT basic classical music library. If you are looking to expand your classical music stores (see some of my suggestions here) this can be a great resource.

BEWARE, though -- once the 14-day trial is completed, your credit card will be automatically charged for the next month AND you will lose your 50 downloads, if you have not used them. Don't ask me how I know this. :(

But if you are smart and can use a calendar and have a decent internet connection and can download quickly, I'd highly recommend it!

The Bible in church

The other big thing that has helped our new-found fascination with Scripture around here is that we have enjoyed worshiping with a church that promotes and expects one's actual, physical usage of the Bible in worship, Sunday School, Children's Church, as well as meetings.

This is new for us. We have grown up in, attended (Dennis), and pastored (me) churches that were fairly lectionary-based. The sermons were based on a lection or two, or maybe even four, but generally stuck to those readings only. Sermons typically did not reference other scriptures and line-by-line studies in worship are generally not employed by my colleagues in ministry.

The church we've been attending begins with a call to worship from the Bible, sets up the prayer with a passage, has us flipping back and forth all over scripture during a sermon, and then closes with a Scriptural benediction. I know that for some, this is distracting, but Dennis and I find it sort of thrilling.

The kids are also taught Bible stories exclusively in Sunday School and Children's Church. We've been amazed at the detail with which Annalivia recounts (and Daniel echoes Annalivia) the story of Lydia helping Paul or Paul and Silas bringing down the prison walls or just one leper/ leopard :) returning to thank Jesus, etc. The kids begin every class with a reading from the big-person's Bible. In a few weeks, the church will have a little ceremony and present Bibles to the first graders, since all of them can read and all of them remain in the church service instead of going off to Children's Church. They'll be able to participate with the adults in Bible-reading during worship, and from what I have observed, they do!

Again, all of these may not seem like big things, but for us, such practices have been absolutely liberating. And I mean that in all senses of the word. We feel free in a way we've just not experienced before.

I personally think it has everything to do with the presence and elevation of the Word of God.

Truer words...

The other day, Annalivia was chattering away about some random thing and I said, "You know, Annalivia, it is really great that you like to talk so much. You have a real gift from God for talking. It will help you a lot in life.

But, people who like to talk need to learn how to listen, too. I'd like you to practice listening, ok?"

She paused for a second and said, "Welllll.... I'm not really a fan of listening..."

Bread of Life, Living Water, Balm for the Soul, etc.

I wanted to write about something I find has radically changed my life. The introduction of it into my day has changed parenting, marriage, housekeeping, thinking, reading, even eating and driving. It has made life calmer, more peaceful, more productive and more beautiful.

It's Bible study.

Really.

I won't embarrass myself by revealing how little I have actually read the Bible (when not required) throughout my life, including during the 7 years I was a pastor. Suffice to say -- not much. In fact, it is only recently that Bible study has become a regular part of my life. And I have to say, I finally understand all of the phrases in the title of this post, as well as the others that describe the Good Book. Seriously. I HUNGER for more. I wake up in the morning eager to read the Bible! I find myself taking little moments through the day to read. I try to force myself to stay up late so I can re-read. I want to memorize scripture and have it in my head! It's amazing! After years of yearning for something more and knowing that I needed to open myself to Jesus through regular Scripture study, I've finally made it a regular part of my life. And I will testify -- there is just absolutely nothing that compares to meeting the presence of the Living Christ revealed in The Word. NOTHING!!!

I know that lots of you have always known that Bible study is a good thing and you saw folks in your family, your churches, your schools, etc. modelling Bible-reading and you might find all of this to be very elementary. But for those who are struggling, I'd like to share some things that have finally enabled this change in my life...

1. I am working on my perfectionism.
Shortly before Emmeliese was born, I realized that I was letting the Enemy use my perfectionism in all sorts of destructive ways. This is the most important change in trying to establish Bible-reading habits because there's grace in the process now. That's huge.

2. It doesn't matter what time of day I read the Bible.

For years, I struggled with Bible study because I had somehow bought into the lie that Bible reading is most effective in the morning before everything else. I somehow never managed to get up before everything else began and, being a perfectionist, decided if I couldn't do it right, I wouldn't do it at all.

3. It doesn't matter what version of the Bible I read.

I am a seminary-trained snob who knows that it would probably be best to read the Bible in some equivalent translation. But halfway through some epistle I'd find myself thinking about my walking shoes. In my perfectionism, I just ended up reading nothing. I've realized that if I am not very familiar with a passage, a timeline, or the emotion behind it, it helps me to read it first in The Message and read until I understand the basics. Then I re-read and study in the NASB. I journal in the NIV. I throw the NRSV and the NKJV in there pretty often, too.

4. Where and how I read the Bible doesn't matter.

I couldn't stick with the Lectionary and the One-Year Bible patterns. When I finally picked up the little New Testament, Psalms and Proverbs I had in The Message, I read through Acts from start to finish. Turns out I had never actually just read through it. Then I went through Romans. And then Galatians. And then on. It was exciting to actually know for sure what was in there. It was amazing to grasp Paul's passion and conviction. It was wonderful to get a sense of sequence, which is something I've never achieved just reading piece-by-peace. On the other hand, I jump around in the Psalms and sometimes in Proverbs.

5. I give myself freedom to explore more, if I want...or not

Over the past few weeks, I've been studying the Fruits of the Spirit as found in Galatians 5. I have been systematic in the approach -- looking up the Greek words, finding out where those words are used elsewhere, writing out scriptures, cross-referencing, comparing translations, etc. It's a slow process. On the other hand, a few weeks ago, I just wanted to get some info in my head about Acts. I just re-read the portions I wanted to read, quickly, in one sitting. After I'm done with the Fruits, I think I'm going to chronicle Paul's journeys on a little time-line. Yeah, I know I can find that online, but the discipline of looking things up is what I'm interested in right now. Again, for me, it is more important to be doing it, than to be doing it "correctly" every time.

6. I incorporate the kids

I don't think I would be doing any Bible study if I hadn't realized I could incorporate the kiddos into it. We read from the Psalms at breakfast, the discuss the psalm during breakfast, then after Breakfast is over and cleaned up, we all get our Bibles out. Annalivia has a Preschool Bible. Daniel has a Toddler Bible. They both have those and pads of paper and a pen in Bible covers. We all spread out our Bibles at the table. They look at their pictures and draw. I look at mine, read, and write. Annalivia and I can usually spend a good half-hour at this. Daniel is usually done in about 15-20 minutes, but as long as he's done some "studying" I let him play. It has been very helpful.

7. I don't expect to hit 100%

This is probably the biggest change. I expect that some days Emmeliese will not take a nap or will not want to be in the bouncy chair long enough to enable a long post-breakfast study. Some nights I'm too tired to read before bed. Some mornings, we do something other than Psalms before breakfast. It's all ok. There's freedom now. I've gotten a taste and I'm seeing God's goodness. I'm not going to put this down. The Word keeps calling to me. I'll keep answering it.

If you have any wisdom regarding Bible study to share, I'd love to read it!

On blog honesty

One of the things that has been holding me back from blogging is a struggle with what is and is not honest. Sometimes I feel as though I'm representing only part of myself when I blog. On the other hand, I am learning that not every thought that pops into my head, even those that stay there ruminating for a while, need to be shared with every. single. person. Where's the balance? I'm not sure I know.

What I do know is that I've felt as though I've only represented what-I've-wanted-y'all-to-think about me in the past. My great fear in life has always been disappointing people I love. I've made a lot of mistakes in life because of the need for approval from others. But transparency is becoming essential to me, I think. I don't want to present an air-brushed picture of myself taken through a Vaselined lens. What-I-want-you-to- think doesn't take into account the mercies God is showing me in revealing my brokenness. And that's probably pretty much all that's worth sharing on a blog at this point.

Anyway, in an attempt to clear up some misconceptions that I think I've perpetuated, judging by past comments or emails to me, I'll have a little out-ing here and post a list of 25 things about me, as inspired by a list I posted on facebook. There are not the 25 most important things about me, nor are they 25 things that will never change. But they are honest and that's why they are here, now.

25 Non-random things about the author of this blog

1. I love, love, love living in my hometown. I don't care if that is not cosmopolitan or evolved or sophisticated or anything else. I think this place is amazing and thank God every day that I live here again.

2. I'm really excited to have a house of my own, but I constantly fight a desire to make it bigger and better. When my husband lost his job recently, I realized that I could let go of the house very, very easily if it meant having him and the kids. That helps put Victorian-style fainting couches into perspective.

3. The fact that my parents are still married after almost 35 years of marriage is amazing and one of the most inspiring things I've ever experienced. They have not had an easy road, by a long shot, but their story is full of such grace and mercy and forgiveness and learning and growing that continues to unfold. I am so, so, SO thankful that they've made the difficult choice again and again throughout their lives.

4. I love that my husband knows how to do almost everything. I always thought that would annoy me in a spouse, but it doesn't. I love when he's more right that I am. Competency is so virile. And confidence and humility are a powerful combination in a husband.

5. We got together on Ash Wednesday, Mar. 5. I knew without a doubt by Sunday evening that I wanted to marry him. We got engaged on May 4 and married on July 4. It seemed like it took FOREVER.

6. One of my favorite memories from our wedding was when my friends and family, including my 80-year old grandmother, surrounded us and swayed back and forth while holding up candles while we danced to the KISS song, "Forever", which is one of Dennis' faves. My Grammy rocked that song.

7. I think my grandfather is one of the greatest human beings ever born and I miss my Grammy almost every day.

8. I've learned to be a better parent thanks to Keith Lehman, Scott Turansky and JoAnne Miller, Gary Chapman and James Dobson. And Elizabeth Kreuger and maybe even Michael Pearl. Yes, you read that list right.

9. Watching Annalivia being born was probably the most profound and amazing moment of my life. When Daniel was born, I was too exhausted from the 43 hours of labor to properly appreciate the profundity.

10. I think God is breaking me open through my children. This is one reason, among many, that Dennis and I are loathe to limit our family size to what I can conceive physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, etc.

11. I wonder when I share some particular parenting triumph whether I should also disclose the approximately 4.8 billion parenting failures that occurred in the days, hours, minutes and seconds previous to that.

12. My sisters are seriously the coolest human beings on the planet and are my absolute best friends. I adore them.

13. One of my favorite programs ever was "Sir Norbert Smith: A Life!" shown on Masterpiece Theatre here when I was in high school. That and Black Adder pretty much made my sophomore year of high school and began a long, constant and current love affair with English comedies. And dramas. And movies. And books.

14. I can still quote Sir Norbert.

15. I was a pastor for 7 years to a congregation I really loved. But I do not miss being a pastor. Now I am in my hometown as a lay person, of sorts, trying to figure out how to worship in my home church, or not, without wounding people I really love and destroying the vocation God provided me.

16. I love liturgy. I love the pipe organ. I love high church trappings. I love a rockin' band. I love slightly awkward worship-leading praise music. I love spontaneous prayer. I love a humble man leading a congregation in worship, prayer, and teaching. I love a humble woman leading worship, prayer, and teaching. It's when worship, music, pastoring, praying, preaching etc. becomes something to prove or anything other than real and authentic and honest and true that I feel sort of sickened when I encounter it.

17. When I was in seminary, I won an award for constructing a very tight, terribly consistent theology. I now believe that well-constructed, tight and terribly consistent theologies are generally not based in any real God experiences.

18. I have found myself at a point where I can listen to a wide, broad, divergent spectrum of theology -- almost anything, in fact -- and find something of meaning and help to me.

19. I totally love Jesus now. It only took 5 years of ministry for me to have my "kitchen conversion." Before that, I loved people and the church more than Jesus. But people fail, and I realized that I wasn't going to be able to go on in ministry or life without loving, seeking, and knowing the Spirit of the Living God above all else.

20. I've finally learned that there is absolutely no substitute for the presence and power of Christ found in reading, studying, sharing, preaching, teaching and listening to the Bible. Living Water, Bread of Life... I understand those labels now. Finally.

21. My life completely and totally changed due to the events of Sept. 19, 2006 when Dennis and I, and Daniel who was at 18 weeks gestation, survived a major car accident.

22. I became sort of rabidly pro-life after the accident after being sort of rabidly pro-choice before it. Almost everything, politically, changed for me from there. I once was a self-described "flaming liberal." I also hadn't done much thinking. I now consider myself conservative in almost every way, except when it comes tothe gays. I love me some gays.

23. I spend approximately 90% of my time thinking about faith, spiritual disciplines, the church, practical theology, Christian parenting and what to eat next.

24. I have a problem with sarcasm and really am trying not to be ascerbic or condescending or vicious, both in thought and in deed. It's hard.

25. I also struggle with anger, gluttony, sloth, greed, and pride. Oh, and envy. But not so much with lust. So I guess there's hope for me yet. :)

There's something to say

I may be returning to blogging regularly. I have some things to say, finally, which may be of value to someone beyond myself or beyond the people who see me all the time and are subjected to my miscellaneous ponderings far too often already.

I've struggled with how to say what I feel I want/ need to say and realized the other day that the answer is in the title of this blog which was inspired by the quotes from the Bible way, way down there at the bottom of the page. Especially, there's this Colossians quote ~ "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone" (Col. 4:6).

I'm reminded that what I say here (and everywhere, for that matter) should be carefully-seasoned, full of grace, and desiring to enhance how we serve and love together by Christ's Spirit. I hope that's what anyone reading my words will find. That's what I'll strive to do in the days ahead.

Until tomorrow...

The Special Ks

I was at our church's General Assembly this weekend. I was only there for a brief amount of time, but during that time, I got to see plenty of friends. I was especially excited to see my friend, Kara, aka Special K, aka one of the most hilarious persons on earth.

Special K was a fellow camp counselor in Kentucky when I was in seminary and she was in college. We were co-counselors many times including once for a brand-new cabin that at the time was unnamed. The other cabins in the area were named after historic members of our denomination and we suggested that the new cabins should be named for current-at-the-time leaders. Kara and I called our cabin Updegraff-Spleth after a woman who ended up leaving her position not long after that. The name did not stick, unfortunately. Pity. It was a cool name.

We were also roommates at a couple of Assemblys (Assemblies?) and together witnessed what was surely one of the most comical things I've ever seen when a man tried to run up an escalator that was headed in the "down" direction. He kept tripping, but was not to be deterred. It was the sort of thing that is horrifying, but simultaneously hysterical. Kara, who has the BEST. LAUGH. EVER., began laughing and we could not stop. I still think of that guy and smile.

Anyway, this time, I got to have dinner with Kara and meet her new-ish husband for the first time. He's perfect for her. Totally perfect. When I took their pic, she asked if she could make it to the blog. Here ya go, Special K!

Love always,

Jazzy A

7 Quick Takes on Friday -- the overhaul version

This is the summer of overhaul. Right now we are overhauling...

1. Our new house. Did I ever mention here that we bought it? The new foundation was finished last week. Next is a roof and then heating/ cooling -- maybe geothermal. And Dennis has to put in a new kitchen and two baths. And then rewire. And then redo all of the walls and floors. And then maybe we can move in. Maybe.

2. Eating. I've realized that the gestational diabetes that has disappeared twice post-partum has remained this time. It means a lot of changes in what, how, and when I eat.

3. Church. We've been visiting around this summer and have a much larger view of the Body of Christ. It's a good thing.

4. Bedtimes. I put a chair in the hallway and have been reading to the kids a lot of evenings. It's been lots of fun to read childhood stories out loud and the kids are slightly more eager to go to bed.

5. Breakfasts. It's embarrassing that this has been an issue, but post-Emmeliese it has been hard to all get to the table together in the morning. But the kids and I are back to eating breakfast together and food is preceded by reading from the Psalms, a song or two, and praying for our day. Afterwards, we've been doing Bible study together. I get out mine and they get out theirs and sit at the table. They look at their Bibles and draw pictures and I look at mine and write, all the while listening to some very loud hymns sung by the Cambridge Singers. It's been very, very good for us.

6. My spirit. I feel like we are at a bend in the spiritual river we've been riding the last year or so. There's peace here and it's a wonderful thing.

AND -- I started writing this in the morning -- and the rest of the day was... not as expected, so...

7. Stewardship. Dennis lost his job about noon today. I suppose it is more amazing that, as an engineer in manufacturing, he still had a job and had been relatively untouched by the economic downturn before this moment, than the fact that he lost his job today. He is upset, of course, but we've known this was a possibility for a long time and are fairly well-prepared. Tonight, Dennis and I went out to the lake while his mom watched the kids, and we talked about how many opportunities are present because of this job loss, chief amongst them the ability for him to do a lot of work on the house. And we have the chance to be even better stewards of all our gifts, which, as we realized again tonight, are abundant, indeed. And we both know that God is bigger than Dennis' employment or this recession or any worries we might have. We'll be ok. In the meantime, we continue to overhaul! :)

For more quick takes, see Jen's.

The Momma is crazy

Today I returned from a little trip up to Chicago with the three kids. That's right -- one momma, three children aged 4 and under -- on vacation, in Chicago. Surprisingly, it was mostly fun! We stayed in the Loop, rode the train and the bus a whole bunch, saw lots of interesting things, did LOTS of walking --even in the rain, had ice cream with Aunt Cyndi, and took a taxi when our legs, patience and tempers gave out on us three block from the hotel near naptime. And now I know what I need to differently next time. Chief amongst those things -- begin planning vacation more than 12 hours before taking one.

FYI -- Daddy stayed home and worked on the new house, oversaw the completion of the new basement, built a wonderful staircase involving major architectural work, tore up the kitchen floor and took out the old cabinets, did a thousand other things I don't quite understand, and, most importantly, didn't feel guilty because we weren't at home wishing Daddy was here with us. (Not that we didn't wish he was in Chicago with us, but y'know...there are TRAINS there! And we're easily distracted.)

I wish I had pics to post, but I had Emmeliese in the sling and Annalivia and Daniel in each hand. There was no free hand for picture-taking. Luckily y'all know what Chicago looks like, right? Just picture us there. :)

Because I want to remember this

I'm breaking blog silence because the coolest thing happened here yesterday and I want to remember it. Note to self: Start a real journal. :) But this is a good one to share.

Yesterday, my friend, Melissa, came for a little visit. It was a lovely day, temperature-wise, so we had lunch on the front porch. Daniel and Annalivia were doing some playing and at some point, something fell off the porch that Daniel wanted, so he went down the front steps to get it.

The front steps to the porch are sort of in the process of rotting and there are rather large gaps in them in places. We usually walk down one side and up the other. For some reason, he walked down the side with more iffy spots and his foot got caught in a hole. He fell, and in the process, hurt his hand.

When I got to him, he was bleeding but I couldn't tell where the blood was coming from. He was crying a lot and I picked him up and looked him over, discovered the bleeding hand, and started moving him inside.

In the meantime, Annalivia, as soon as she noticed Daniel was bleeding, had run inside and grabbed the box of bandaids. She immediately got out a small one and had it unwrapped and was bringing it to me as I came inside with Daniel.

I got Daniel positioned in front of the sink and washed off his wound and then ran it under cold water. He was sobbing the entire time. Pretty soon, Annalivia appeared with Solarcaine (our wound treatment of choice). I took it from her and about two minutes later, she came back with a baggie full of ice that she had made for him. In order to make the ice pack, she had gotten in the drawer, found the baggie, moved stuff off of a stool, and then had taken the stool over to the freezer, climbed up and had gotten the ice.

We took the ice pack and went back to porch and I had Daniel sit on the settee with me. Annalivia came out a few minutes later with her arms laden with Daniel's toys. She had brought his baby, his doggie, a tractor, and his dump truck. She put it all beside him while, in a very gentle loving voice, saying things like, "Here ya go, buddy-boy; here's your tractor." She disappeared again and came back a few minutes later with water for him in a little glass.

I was so amazed that she had done all of these things without being bidden at all! She saw blood and thought he needed a bandaid. I mentioned to him that we'd put medicine on the ouchie, and she went and got the medicine. She saw him with water running on his hand and knew it needed ice. She saw him suffering and brought things that would comfort him. I was just so proud of her and told her how proud I was a gazillion times yesterday. I told her that she had done exactly what Jesus meant when he told us to treat each other like we want to be treated. And I made sure she heard the whole story again when I told Dennis about it when he got home. Our little girl was just so kind and generous! I'm still sort of in awe.

FYI -- Daniel ended up being ok. We used a couple of creatively placed bandaids to cover his bleeding, and within a little amount of time, he was not even mentioning anything about his injury. Thank God for the healing power of little boys. And thank God for the big sisters who love them.

About blogging...

When I started this blog, I lived away from family and friends. My little girl was growing and changing and I wanted to tell everyone about her. I was also pastoring a church and emerging from what, at the time, felt like a 25-year spiritual drought. I had lots to say and not many, other than a longsuffering husband, to listen to it all.

Things have changed since then. I have three kiddos now, and while the transition to three children from two did not seem as overwhelming as the transition to two children from one, what I find is that I no longer have much actual time to record my thinking about cabbages and kings. When the end of the day comes, or a child actually naps, it seems much more pressing and, frankly, more fulfilling to do a load of laundry or read to another kid or talk to my husband or... any number of things, really, rather than blogging.

I am not sure what will happen in this space. Historically, whenever I decide to step back from blogging, just the thought of stepping back, or the announcement of it -- whichever -- seems to be all I need to spur me forth into a blogging frenzy. Lord knows I have enough pics to fill up an entire summer and some of the fall! So I may appear tomorrow with brand new daily posts.

Or I might not. I find my brain processing lots of thoughts about faith and family right now, but I also don't feel very compelled to spew them all out onto the internet. I've been grateful for the space to process aloud, especially as an extrovert without much people-time that was tank-filling. And to have people interact and give input here and on your own blogs was really great. I've found that lots of people I know read this blog -- which I appreciate. Really. But I've also found that processing things in the open can lead to hurt feelings. And that's my last intention. Really.

So. Here's to the blog and to you who read and have read. I have "met" some amazing and truly-inspiring folks because of blogdom. Thank you. And in case I don't get back to say it any time soon -- serving and loving, together, with you, has been a life-changing experience for me. Thanks again.

Seeking a hand or foot in the Body of Christ

I've been thinking -- if the Church is the Body of Christ and we are all called to serve different functions, would it not follow that there are different times in our lives when we need different parts? For example, perhaps we need a hand at one point in our lives and later the hand has served its purpose and now we need a foot?

I wonder why it is that we believe our individual churches have to function as all parts of the body. Or maybe it's just mainline established denominations and the people in them that tend to think this way? What if joining a church when one is baptized and remaining in it until death is just not the way it is supposed to work?

Sisters

Last night, Annalivia asked if she could "hold the baby." Turns out that the baby is almost too big for her to hold! So Emmeliese sat on Annalivia's lap. And they made-do just fine.

Buds

Emmeliese and my grandfather have a special connection. He was the second person, after Momma, she engaged in smiles. Last weekend we were at my parents' house and Gramps took the opportunity to take his little buddy to his truck to have a conversation. Emmeliese enjoyed it.